[a work in progress]

The Letter

Dear Matt,

You’re probably wondering why you would get a letter from some lamer you barely knew almost 10 years after high school. As much as I wish I could tell you I’m on some committee and this is an invitation to our reunion, that’s not what this is, and I wouldn’t see you even if you did show up so get over yourself. Just kidding.

Early last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Because I’m stubborn and hate doctors, they caught it late. It was more aggressive than they originally thought, and to make a long story short, I did what you do in those situations. I had surgery. I had chemo – twice. When it spread into my lungs, a part of me knew they wouldn’t be able to operate. I was so fucking tired, a part of me didn’t want them to. I’m not telling you this to get sympathy, God knows I’m so sick of all the ‘thoughts and prayers’, you have no idea. But there is something I do need you to know.

I’m sure you remember Jeff Fowler. He & I got married a few months after graduation, and it wasn’t long before we found out I was pregnant with Daniel. They found my cancer last year because we were trying to have another kid and it wasn’t happening on its own. The doctor ran a shit ton of tests, and when I found out about the Big C, we figured that was the problem. Then, a few days later the doctor called back to tell us about Jeff’s test results – my husband’s little soldiers can’t fight. 

That was when I realized Daniel is your son.

Maybe it was the cancer talking, but I told Jeff the truth about what happened with us that night before graduation. It took a while, but we got through it and we’re okay now… as okay as an impotent man and his dying wife can be, I guess.

You’re probably asking yourself what I want, and truth be told, I don’t really know what I expect to come out of writing this. The fact that you’re reading it at all means that I didn’t make it. I know… morbid much? Don’t worry, nobody’s hitting you up for money or anything. If I’m being honest (and why not at this point, right?), I think I kinda hoped that you’ll give Jeff a call. He’s been so fucking amazing through all of this and I know he’s more scared and alone now than he’d ever admit. We talked about this for a long time, and we agreed that if you’re up for it, we want Daniel to know who you are. 

Wow, that’s a lot of shit to throw out there in one letter, huh? So there it is. Whatever you decide, it was important to me that you knew the truth. There’s a kid out there who shares our DNA, and he’s pretty fucking awesome. I know you’d think so, too.

Sorry I don’t have any cool, enlightened way to end this. I’m exhausted, the sun’s coming up and Daniel will be coming downstairs soon wanting breakfast. Cap’n Crunch is his favorite. Not sure why I told you that, but I’m rambling now, so I’ll just say goodbye. Damn, that’s emo.

Just know that it was worth it. No regrets, not ever.