There is a Buddhist metaphorical term that refers to a mind that is uncontrollable and unsettled, unable to rest. It’s called the monkey mind, and I cannot imagine a more perfect descriptor.

It is no accident that I include this content here in the Adult section of my site, because I have spent the majority of my own life forging a connection between my spiritual and worldly practices, and in no area is there a more direct connection than in the areas of our lives that we are generally quiet – if not secretive – about. The mind monkey is something that every single one of us experiences to varying degrees at different times in our lives, and learning to tame it is a skill that can inform every area of our existence.

If you live with a history of trauma or behavioral health conditions including ADHD, ADD, anxiety, and depression, you have intimate firsthand experience with your mind monkey. Those things can magnify a sense of otherness, where we don’t feel like we belong anywhere, don’t deserve anything, aren’t worthy of anyone’s time. What draws a lot of us to the kink realm in the first place is the inclusion and diversity it fosters. We can be as imperfect as we are and still find a seat at the table. We belong.

There was a time when I thought that taming my mind monkey was only important to me, a tool to stop the racing thoughts and learn to be more grounded and calm. As the years went on though, I caught myself using some of the same concepts in training and working with subs and even other Doms.

I titled the series Taming the Monkey to not only reflect the mind monkey metaphor, but to also draw the connection to the common phrase “monkey on your back,” because in my philosophy, they are one and the same.

This series is an exploration of some of the tools I employ to tame the monkey.