You want to learn to relinquish control, but you don’t know how to get started. In this series I will talk about preparing yourself to surrender.

The fact that you make that statement tells me that you probably have some “control issues” that make your brain want to fight against surrendering control to someone else, so that’s where this journey begins. Let’s talk about surrender.

Giving control to another should be an exciting, freeing experience. It should feel as though the weight of responsibility has been lifted, but all too often, it compounds anxiety for people who aren’t yet accustomed to surrender.

They say the first step is admitting we have a problem. If we want to learn to surrender control to someone, we first have to be willing to look at what we think, say, and do and recognize our own need to control things. Equally important, we have to be willing to walk away from any of it that holds us back. That’s where the work begins.

It starts with questioning yourself. Start with the basics and the questions become natural:
Who? you, obviously. What? Surrender. Now we get to the heart of it all, by asking the magical question why.

Asking Why

Too often in the kink and fetish realm, people want instant satisfaction but they aren’t willing to put in the work it may require. We have established that you have an interest in surrendering control to someone, so let’s dig deeper into that desire by asking why. Don’t just ask and move on; consider the question and really put some thought into it. Write it down. Dig deep, and understand that sometimes you have to ask more than once.

Why do I want to surrender control?

Because I am attracted to the idea of being a submissive.


Because the idea of letting go and not being in charge is appealing.


Because I always have to be in charge in my regular life.

You get the idea. The more you ask why, the closer you get to the core needs that surrender represents for you. Those are the keys to the kingdom that help to unlock the door that can allow surrendering control to be a healthy and even healing endeavor.