“Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon
Shedding a lifetime of emotional weight is no easier than ridding myself of my unwanted love handles. In a lot of ways, it’s harder, at least it has been for me. The processes are similar: make sure what you are taking in is of good quality and don’t take in more than you need. The challenge isn’t in knowing how, it’s in finding the determination to actually do the uncomfortable and often painful work.
It took nearly a year of slow and steady effort, but I said goodbye to those love handles. Exorcising the things that weigh down my heart and mind is a work-in-progress that requires the same dedication and determination. The harsh reality is that if I’m not mindful, either might come back.
I’m not going to be so grandiose as to suggest that withholding satisfaction is a sustainable model for success, but I will say I had to remind myself a few times that eating a salad for lunch did not mean that I deserved a sweet reward after – at least not every day. Likewise, there are times when it is appropriate and reasonable to sit with my emotional heaviness and be fully absorbed in it, but not often and certainly not every day.
Today I will indulge my frustration just long enough to allow it to emanate from my core a shockwave of determination so powerful that it shatters the window separating me from the softer, more aware, more realized version of myself. If I fall, I will crawl bloody and defiant through the shards and not stop until I have made it outside.
Free of the emotional walls that have long trapped me, I will turn my face heavenward, take a breath, and soar. When I feel it necessary to look back, my scars will always be there to remind me of what it took to make it through.
Survive. Thrive. Fly.
Never forget that I love you, and that excludes no one.