Dear one,

Who are you? Are you who you want to be? Understand that I’m not asking if you have everything you want, instead I want you to ask yourself whether or not you are everything you want to be.

As someone in long term recovery from substance use (cocaine) and a lifetime of self loathing, I am a work in progress. I’m not who I want to be, but I’m not who I was, either. Progress is more important than perfection. These distinctions are important in my life, because if I am not constantly working to be who I want to be, it’s easy for me to fall prey to complacency and back into a cycle of habits that aren’t helping me reach the goals I’ve set for myself.

I’m thinking about this today after a conversation with someone who made a comment I hear often, “You’ve got two relationships and I can’t even find one.” On the surface, a statement like this is harmless, but it also absolves us of our personal responsibility for being in a healthy relationship with ourselves. Without exception, the people who have made similar comments to and about me, have a problem with loving and accepting themselves.

As RuPaul so famously repeats ad nauseum, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” If you want healthy, happy relationships, start by cultivating one with yourself. If you’re not who you want to be, that is where the work begins.

Never forget that I love you, and that excludes no one.


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About Sentimental Dom

Michael Nolan is The Sentimental Dom. He wants you to keep your chin up, treat everyone with dignity, compassion, and respect, and drink more water.

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