For years I have seen this thing repeat itself among people who identify as other (that’s anyone in the LGBTQIAA+ kaleidoscope). We start to feel something that doesn’t immediately make complete and total sense, and we panic. I felt it when I came out as bisexual, and again when I came out as pansexual. Chances are, you’ve felt it too.
When those feelings start showing up, our subconscious goes on high alert to tell us something isn’t right. In my case, there were times when I felt like I was wrong, mostly because I wasn’t ready to talk about it, and anything we keep secret must be wrong. When I finally did admit to the thing, two things came up: relief and more panic.
I was relieved and breathing deeper because I had owned my truth and that felt liberating. I was panicking because there was a voice in my head telling me that I was a fake. Imposter Syndrome was bringing raisin potato salad to my picnic.
You are not an imposter for feeling awkward, or for exploring your feelings. Remember going through puberty? Holy fuck, did you feel all the feels then, right? As we grow and evolve as people, we encounter nouns (people, places, things, and ideas) that might pique our interest. Some of those things might make us pause and say “OOOOH, I haz teh feelz!”, and when that happens, we are going through another puberty.
You are not an imposter for coming out late in life.
You are not an imposter for acknowledging something when you’re ready to do so.
You are not an imposter for transitioning at 60 after raising a family.
You are not an imposter for being a dominant person who acknowledges that there is a secret corner of your mind and your heart that longs to explore submission.
The only way to be an imposter in your own life is to ignore what you feel. Your feelings are valid; they serve a purpose and have value.
And never forget that I love you.
Love,
