“If you want to support others you have to stay upright yourself.”Peter Hoeg
Love can be a frustrating thing. More correctly, it might be said that love can make people do frustrating things, especially when codependency shows up to the party.
Have an irrational fear of abandonment? Hard time adjusting to change? Do you seek approval from others for self-worth? Is your mood greatly controlled by the thoughts and feelings of the people in your life? Chances are good that you are leaning in on codependency.
Oh, great. What do I do about it?
Codependency is a learned behavior, which means it can be corrected. It all starts with you; specifically, it starts with focusing on yourself.
- Start with honesty.
Seriously, if you’re not being honest (with yourself and others), whatever you’re doing will fail.
- Break the negativity cycle.
Negative thought and negative talk don’t make you feel better, they make you feel in control.
- Stop trying to fix it.
Accept the people in your life for who and what they are. They’re beautifully flawed. So are you.
- Create and enforce boundaries.
Codependents tend to thrive on feeling guilty. Stop that! Bring on the self-care!
- Therapy helps.
Bottling up your feelings because your brain tells you they’re wrong? Break that cycle too.
Never forget that I love you, and that excludes no one.