We do not get to decide what constitutes appropriate grief for anyone other than ourselves. This includes the way we grieve, time frame, and anything associated with someone else’s grieving process. Grief is not a ‘one size fits all’ scenario. It doesn’t follow rules, and we don’t get to put it into a neat little box so that it’s more comfortable for us.
The only expert on grief is the person who figures out how to take another breath every time the air is forced out of their lungs by a random memory. Even then, they’re only an expert on their own experience. I figured out what works for me, and over the years that has changed again and again. Sometimes it makes me cry for no reason, and sometimes it makes me laugh. What cripples me with emptiness and anger one day might leave me joyous and thankful the next.
We have to stop telling people how to feel about what happened to them. If it isn’t you, it isn’t about you.
Never forget that I love you, and that excludes no one.
Love,
